Shifty-Eyed and with a Grin

Published in Kilometer Zero.  Paris.  2000.

37 Rue de la Bucherie

Paris, France 75018


Shifty-eyed and with a grin

A pawn suggests “I’d like some quim,

And with some help from Brother Knight

We’ll share White’s Queen, to my delight.”

An allied pawn, just killing time,

Narrowed in on square E9 –

An imaginary square, just once past real.

That was where they squared the deal.

She made it briskly to A4,

But Black’s Queen Bishop snared the whore.

She tottered, stalling, to B5

Where a cruel, cruel rook left her alive.

She made it, barely, to C6

And met there with eight small pawn pricks.

Then stoically did meet her fate,

And after love, there came checkmate.


Marco The Pawn

Published in Kilometer Zero.  Paris.  2000.

37 Rue de la Bucherie

Paris, France 75018


Marco the Pawn fell in love with the King,

Hoping for grand love and not just a fling.

He passed notes to Pawns, and from them to his love,

But love was a trifle the King was above.

The pieces played on, as Marco despaired,

Picking petals from roses as the King and Queen paired.

But when things got rough, the Queen went to the front,

And left a seat by the King for Marco the Runt.

Still it was futile, the King was amiss.

To him Poor Pawn Marco was not worth a piss.

One day the Queen fell, but still Marco knew

Homo love was not something that his King would do.

Then just at the moment with all his hope scant,

Marco saw four rows forward his one final chance.

He faked to D5 and Black’s Rook took the bait.

Then he rushed past the tail pawns and got to E8.

Now, Marco the Queen was quite a disguise.

He soon had the King’s right hand stroking his thighs.

Marco hid his erection.  The King never knew.

And together, the chessboard they ruled through and through.


Fischer vs. Kasparov

As published in Kilometer Zero.  Paris.  2000.

37 Rue de la Bucherie

Paris, France 75018


Bobby played White and to match Garry’s wit

Called a pawn sacrifice – a king-side gambit.

But the pawn was aghast, and on account of his pride

Cried, “No!” refusing his forced suicide.

Yet he followed orders: “Two paces towards Black!”

And didn’t even flinch when they made their attack,

Rather smote them with every bit of his might,

One by one killed a pawn, a bishop, a knight.

With each one that fell he muttered this cry,

“I shall not allow tactics condemn me to die.

I was once Fischer’s pawn.  Now, I’m nobody’s fool.

I will checkmate them both before following their rules.”

He gathered his strength, took a deep breath,

And stared at Bobby Fischer full in the face.

And doubling his courage moved backwards one pace.

He turned against White, this expatriate pawn

And took down his own king – his oedipal dawn.


The Bishop Queer

As published in Kilometer Zero.  Paris.  2000.

37 Rue de la Bucherie

Paris, France 75018


The game began with Ruy Lopez: Variation #23.

White gave up on Steinitz, then left to take a pee,

While Black pondered in the silence, sipping at his tea.

White returned and had a beer.

Black fianchettoed to the rear,

And let his holy bishop cast a long shadow of fear.

But it went all wrong.  The bishop was sweet.

His long beam of love put the game at his feet.

He crossed to and fro, in search of a mate,

And a burning developed that soon he must sate.

And just beyond the heads of white’s three kingside pawns

Black’s bishop found his itch grew mean and randy, thick

and long.

There sat another bishop of the holiest stalwart breed.

A bishop one could only love.  A love so true indeed.

Soon they found themselves so snugly close up tight.

White’s bishop sat on a black square, and black was on a


They fell in love at once and started kissing by a pawn

But with white on black and black on white could never get

it on.

Front to back they were, and back to front remained.

One pace apart for evermore. Their love was thus contained.